1. Ok, this is going to be a giant pain in your @#$%, so get ready.  Don’t get me wrong, the results are more than worth it, but don’t think you’re going to whip this bastard out 20 minutes before the guests arrive and still have time to get properly lit so you can at least try to have a good time just this once.
2. If you’re still with me, start up the oven to 375 degrees.  This first bit is the fun part.  Pretend you are going to carve the pumpkin only you are not going to make a face in it. Ok, make the face if you have to, but this mess is going to take you a least an hour to finish as it is, so it’s your funeral.  Remove all the goo from the pumpkin and set aside the rinsed seeds for later.  Cut the pumpkin lengthwise into thick slices, and spread a layer across a large baking sheet.  Don’t forget to peel it either, cause she ain’t too much fun to peel after an hour at 400 degrees I can tell you that from experience.  Sprinkle pumpkin with olive oil, coriander, salt and pepper.  Per er in the oven for a good 40 minutes anyway, until she is good and soft.
3. Remove the pumpkin from the oven (no, don’t turn it off yet), and cover it completely with bacon.  In a small bowl, combine reserved seeds, chestnuts, sage and salt and pepper.  Add a tablespoon olive oil, and mix well.  Now spread this over the bacon.  You see where this is going to be pretty darn tasty.  Put it back in the oven until the bacon is crisp, 10 to 15 minutes.  Don’t be afraid to broil it a bit, but watch her closely as charcoal bacon is not a nice addition to the dish and I am also speaking from experience here.
4. Remove the pumpkin from the oven.  Remove the bacon and crumble it (careful not to eat too much of it at this point) and remove the other toppings and set it all aside.  Now you will need to chop about half the pumpkin very finely and chop the other half so it is slightly chunky.  Careful, she is still damn hot at this point.  Set that aside too.
5. Now the fun begins.  Bring the chicken stock to a simmer in a small pan, then reduce the heat to very low to keep it warm.  Place a large saucepan over medium heat, and add a bit of olive oil, the shallots, celery and a pinch of salt.  Stir, cover and cook for 3 minutes.  Increase heat to medium-high, and add the rice. Stir constantly until rice is translucent, just a few minutes.  Stir in the wine until it is absorbed, another couple minutes.  You see where this is going to be no picnic and we’ve only really just started.
6. Begin adding the broth to the rice, just a ladleful at a time, stirring constantly.  Allow each ladleful to be absorbed before adding the next.  Get a large size glass of wine and get comfortable; this is going to take some time.  When ready, rice will be soft with a slight bite.  The Naked Chef (not a recommendation for you, by the way) says to think of the rice as individual soldiers that need to have the starch carefully worked out of them.  Those Brits…colorful, but not so helpful, really.  The point is, don’t just dump in all the broth and crank up the heat even though the guests have been waiting an hour by now and are getting a bit surly and drunk from a lack of food.  Take your time here.  You won’t find them any more pleasant if you serve them orange erasers with black bacon either.  Season the pot at this point with salt and pepper to taste.  You will find she is getting mighty tasty already.
7. Remove the rice from the heat.  Add the finely chopped pumpkin, and stir vigorously until mixed.  Now carefully fold in the pumpkin chunks so as not to mush them too much.  Mix in the butter and Parmesan.  Again, carefully so you don’t ruin the pumpkin.  Place a lid over the pan, and let sit for 2 minutes.  Just taste it now and tell me it wasn’t worth it.  And there’s not even any bacon in it yet.
8. If it is a highbrow crowd, you can plate it and top it with the bacon, chestnuts, sage and pumpkin seeds mixture.  And don’t forget to top it with more Parmesan and even some mascarpone if you were able to find it and didn’t mind the extortion.  If you’re not plating, just put it in a nice serving dish and top with the same.  If you don’t get rave reviews on this one, that is some tough crowd out there.  Next time just eat it all yourself.

John – 2003